Life in Full Surrender
I’ve been reflecting lately on my resistance and eventual surrender to this path.
As a child, I knew that I was sensitive. I could feel people in ways others couldn’t. I had spirits come to me at night, whispering in my ears. At the age of eight, my family was in a bad car accident, and as I saw the car barreling into the side of our car, I was taken out of my body and watched the accident from above. I walked away uninjured, and while sitting in the front of the ambulance with the ambulance driver, I had no words but deeply understood that there was something a little bit different about my life.
As I got older, I can remember being terrified. The gifts themselves felt sacred, but I was raised in a container that told me they were weird and needed to be pulled in and shut down. I clung to the safety of my mind, pursuing higher education.
It was only in the aftermath of a random violent assault following a Kundalini awakening (a story for another day) that I realized the truth—my life was empty. I had people all around me and a perfect CV, and yet there was no love. And the only way to learn to love and be loved was to release the person I was created to be from the box I had shoved her into. It wasn’t that I was living a completely false life, but I had hand selected the pieces of myself I thought were “good” and locked the “bad” ones away. Without knowing what I would build, I worked to discover all parts of my whole person. From the top of a mountain, I made a decision to dive into the ocean.
And here I am. Finally at peace with my God-given gifts and sharing them with incredible people every day of my life. I don’t understand why I am in this chair, and nothing qualifies me to be here. There are so many people seeking spiritual development and a connection with God, and all I was seeking was happiness. Love. Peace within myself.
This path I walk isn’t a job. It is a way of living. I live in communion with God. Sometimes I get to pull up a chair by me and share it with others. And in both its darkest and lightest moments, it is just me and the Divine. It is simultaneously the most comfortable and the most uncomfortable seat, because God pushes. God refines us and molds us into the best versions of ourselves. In the end, we are completely and fully embraced just for being the person we were created to be.
I am not here doing this because I understand and have all the answers. I am here because God asked. And I said yes to life in full surrender, to a life helping people remember what they already know. Thank you for allowing me to sit at your table. It is an honor to walk this path alongside you.
Thank you!
~c
This Week’s Reflection
“The goal of life is not to be happy; the goal of life is to live, and I choose to live close to God.”
Featured Photo by Violet
This is my precious Carl, who came to me from the streets of a nearby community and was living the feral-dog lifestyle. Wise, joyful, and a touch mischievous, he is always up for play or a snuggle.